I Am … And Perhaps Not Even That

I am…and anything else I believe is a lie.
My thoughts are simply concepts, fears, beliefs, values, biases, etc. of those whose words and actions have filled my ears throughout my life.
I’ve been having a particularly hard time dealing with my life lately. Business, commuting, money, relationships, family, grief, the list goes on and on and on. Last night, amidst sleeplessness and tears and a mind that never shuts off, a moment of “breaking my brain” came as I realized all of my thoughts were lies. Lies, I tell you. And here is the deal…yours too.
We think we’re thinking. We think we’re analyzing and figuring it all out. We think we know the truth of anything.
We know nothing.
If you are walking down an empty street at night and a man approaches you with straggly hair, dark sleep-deprived eyes, and grubby clothes, how do you feel and what thoughts does your mind being forward?
Is he good or bad? Do you cross the street to avoid him or do you hold your ground so he knows you are not afraid? Do you smile and acknowledge him or ignore him hoping he does the same to you? What assumptions are you making inside your mind? Are ANY of them true?
If I hear a bump in the night, all my senses go off. It wakes me up, I’m on high alert waiting to hear it again. I’ve never had my home invaded, I’ve never been attacked in my own home, so why do I react that way? It’s not in my experience to justify this reaction.
Our thoughts are lies. Our thoughts are comprised of what our minds have developed as a pathway or trajectory, of former thoughts, feelings, and experiences of ourselves or others. We hear something at some time in our life, and then narrow that filter of processing every time we hear it or see it in action after that until our mind has a shortcut to “what is true”. It’s a natural and automatic human process.
Our parents, extended family, religion, community, friends, media sources, people’s facial reactions, body language and so much more all contribute to how we come to think the thoughts we are thinking.
So our thoughts my friends, are not true at all. They’re lies. They’re shortcuts that run on autopilot without us ever stopping to question them.
As a person who is naturally “high-strung”, I am finding the only peace I have is in recognizing I know nothing, and neither does anyone else. We all live within the same human mind conditions. You, me, and everyone else.
Objectivity is available when we realize this. Only through recognition of these formatted reproductions can we liberate ourselves and be available to new thoughts and awareness. Once you accept that you are a walking “program” you can begin to do something about it.
For today, all I know is that I am. Carbon, oxygen, blood, bones, brain, and anything else I have to leave open for further realizations.
So for today, I know I am…and perhaps even that must be questioned further.
Forever the journey, Anne

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