The saying goes, “a Navy recruit enlists. Their parents get drafted”.
When I hugged my man/boy good-bye for the last time, I cried big crocodile, sad Momma tears like never before. Not like the first time his Dad picked him up and had him for five days straight after we separated, or when Christian left for nine weeks of Boy Scout camp at 13 years old and I saw him three times all summer. Not like when he went into the Canadian wilderness with a group of eight guys for 28 days with no communication back home. No news is good news is what we were told. Not even like when he broke up with his first real girlfriend and felt like he was the worst human being ever and I held him sitting on the stairs while we both sobbed together, and still not even when two years later his second real girlfriend broke up with him and we found ourselves back on those same stairs crying again. Never have I felt the loss I felt watching him walk into that hotel and forcing my feet to turn and walk away, leaving him. He cried, I cried, his girlfriend cried, his step-Dad cried. We cried. I cried…all the way home.
But in a moment of deep breathing the following came through.I know we all have moments when we are so uncertain. I, too, have those days when I wonder what the heck I’m doing or if I’ll ever “be there” – wherever it is. This was written for Christian, so sub out words like St. Cloud, and Navy and insert things like your current job, or relationship, or whatever gets in your head on any given day. Yes, it was written for my 21-year-old, but our Soul is never tired, or done, so let it sink into your skin.
You were made for this.
I just did the hardest thing I’ve ever done as a mom, I gave you to the world. Not just the Navy, but to the world, to your life, to YOU and all the you’s that you will become. You were made for this. I have never seen you sitting in St. Cloud, MN for the rest of your life. You’ve always loved to go, travel, see new things, places and people. To think bigger and wider than those around you. I always knew you’d leave home I just never knew how. You were made to explore and try new things and go places and do things other people wouldn’t even think of. You’ve always been this way. I remember one of your teachers telling you one of your strongest suits was your perseverance, so I know you’ll be ok. I know as hard as it is to say goodbye and to wonder what it will be like, in this world there are people, places, jobs and experiences already waiting for you to get there. I know you will arrive at just the perfect time. And, you won’t even know how it happened.
I know your Spirit has a plan and a purpose and this entire world, every step you take, every breath, every moment big and small of this life, was made just for you. Notice what you can, intend and go after what you want. Keep your head and your feet in the same place together. Maybe the Navy will be the thing, and maybe it will just be a thing. Time will tell, and you’ll know as you know and not a second before. It’s like this for all of us. You were made for this world. Go get it. See it, taste it, touch it, love it, appreciate even the suck. It’s yours, made just for you.
I texted him the next day knowing he’d still have his cell phone for a few more hours. He called from the airport, we chatted. It was already so great to hear his voice. We talked, he said “thanks Mom”, and then he was gone. The next call I got from him was the “I am a Sailor” or the “alive and well” call.
We are all of a Spirit with a plan and purpose, we are all being asked to notice what we can notice each day, and to embrace, yes, even the suck, because it’s ours.
You too, were meant for this.
Blessings galore, Anne