I met with her in a space of tears. Hers, not mine. This was a woman who had done her work. She took herself from an insecure, self-doubting, depressed shadow of herself to the self-empowered, confident,” I can do this!” woman she is today. She did the work for it. I just guided her process. So here she is a few years later scared to death that all of her hard work to get where she was, was headed downhill.
Thank you COVID-19. Her work, which on a normal day was stressful, had taken 20 turns for the crazy since the beginning of the pandemic. Now, with no job security and the expectations of too many people around her spreading doubt, and fear and gloom and doom, she was falling, and she believed, falling fast.
So often we do the work believing that once we’ve done it, we’ve DONE IT. We’re done! We succeeded, and the yucky stuff that used to trip us up and push us down, is not a thing of the past. Oh, if only it worked that way! We’ve all wanted that, me too. There is such an incredibly long list of things/patterns that I wish I could recognize once, deal with once, process who I am and find my glory. Once…and then just never have to do it again. I know you hear me.
Spirit speaks; “You can’t un-find yourself”
I laugh. And then I listened further.
“Every layer is a layer. Every notice is a notice. Every moment is a moment and you are changed forever. You are not just the ‘ah-ha’s’, you are all of it, and once you see yourself as all of it, you can never go back. You can’t lose what you have gained, you can’t un-find yourself.”
I relayed their message to her and she chuckled, just a little through the tears. “ I have more feels”, she said. “I get more messages, I don’t feel as bad even in the bad times, as I used to. I know I’m not alone, even when I feel lonely, I feel them more. I just have more feelings.
I love that!! “I have more feels”. Perfectly said. About as perfect as the notion that we can’t un-find ourselves.
Sometimes it does feel like we have un-found what we thought we had found. It does feel like we’ve lost ground and forgotten the lessons, and lost the new perspectives and fallen backwards into where we used to be, and don’t want to do again, or anymore.
Take faith my friends. Spirits tells us, we can not be un-found. Once we break through the barrier, it is broken. This doesn’t mean that another one won’t appear, but we will never face the same one the same way because we are different. Even when it feels exactly the same as last time, it isn’t. You are different than you were last time. You come to the table more prepared, with more insights with more practices and lessons and resources, even when you’re not remembering them right then, they haven’t left you. The ground you’ve gained through your own work is right underneath you. Holding you tight, helping you get to yourself.
You can’t un-find yourself. The more closely we hold Spirit the more closely Spirit can communicate with us. It can indeed give us more feels.
You are loved beyond comprehension. You are held beyond earthly strength. You are seen and known, beyond anything you can humanly conceive.
You are found, and you can’t un-find yourself.
Forever the Journey,