Some of you may know this, but each Monday for the past several weeks I have hosted something called Meditation Monday. It is a Facebook live event at 7pm central time. The videos are on my Facebook page if you’re so inclined to view the ones from the past, or join in for the live event each week. There is my plug, and my stage is set.
Each week while I’m moving around, I ask Spirit to let me know what I am to lead in meditation for the week. Typically, I get little glimpses of pictures, or phrases that eventually develop into a “knowing” of what I am to lead.
Last week, I got spiders. Yes. Spiders. Some big, some small, some light colored, some dark, one great big one that I swear could’ve eaten my toe off. I played the girl role on that one and ran to my husband to save me…it makes him feel good even though he treats it a bit like a hassle. Generally when I see a spider in the dead of winter we have a talk and I tell it that I’m going to go away, and when I come back it needs to be gone or I’m going to be forced to do something I don’t want to do. In the warmer weather, I gently lift it onto a piece of paper or something similar and walk it outside. This week, they seemed to be everywhere!
Yesterday, which was Monday, all I had gotten for my request was spiders…not meditation worthy, so I thought. The wind yesterday was crazy! Blowing, gusting, dirt flying, and then…calm. I sat in my garage working yesterday as I was boiling sap and felt particularly connected to the rhythm of the winds. “Change” I thought. Change is coming.
Spring is my least favorite season. Yes, I said that. It’s dirty, muddy, cold, rainy and you got it, windy. I’m more of an earth Spirit, so I don’t like strong winds. I see their purpose in that the wind carries away the winter and brings in the warmer weather, so I can appreciate what the wind does for us. But still, Spring is uncomfortable for me. But change, my friends, comes on the wind.
So, I’m going to gripe about change as well! (There is a theme apparently developing in this writing and even I am curious to see how this is all going to come around.) I only like change when I am the initiator of it. When it’s forced on me, like most people, I don’t like it. Even when it just happens as part of life, I’ve been known to resist.
So, everything yesterday is telling me to either buckle up, or probably a smarter idea is to open my hands and let life flow.
I have almost always found that whether I resist change, or embrace it, it happens anyway. In which case, resisting seems pretty pointless.
What seems like a lifetime ago, when I was married the first time, I remember how painful it was to finally take the action I had known for quite some time needed to be taken, and tell my husband I was done and one of us needed to move out. I fought inside of myself for almost a year, being pulled back and forth, asking what was right and wrong. All perceptions left to be determined by the person listening or watching. None of them were true.
More than the struggle against change, what I remember was the incredible relief I felt when the words were said. Even more relief came when he finally moved out a month later, and then more when our divorce was finalized years later.
It didn’t occur to me then, but it certainly did later, that my fear was of the change. It wasn’t the fear of losing my marriage. It hadn’t ever been what I thought it would be and I realized that for years I had been grieving my inability to change it and make it better. What I was afraid of was how my life was going to be different and I had no idea what that different was going to be, how I was going to manage it, or what effect it would have on my son and others that I loved. My fear was not of the event itself, but of the unknowns that would come after it. I was being afraid, in advance, of the unknown.
During that time, my anxiety started really kicking up. Meditation became a thing in my life, and I slowly learned I could make myself ok, I could be safe, and life was going to be different. And, my different was to be ok.
It seems to me a lot of us are stuck in the same place right now. Clearly, things are going to be different, clearly there are aspects of different we can not control, but my point is this: different does not negate our ability to be ok. Change does not take away our inner personal resources, which are the things that truly give us the tools to handle every change that has ever occurred in our lives, and will continue to do so.
Spiders represent connection to Spirit and releasing ourselves to Spirits direction. The winds bring us in and out of season after season, and will forever. We are surrounded by messages of change and also by messages that we are ok, we will be ok, and our fear of the unknown is the largest demon we face.
Let the winds take you. Let the breeze caress your face, kiss your cheeks, whisper to you to let go and trust, and together, we will handle the unknown. Well, look at that, I guess Spirit brought that around!
Blessings Galore, Anne