It took about two seconds before tears started forming in her eyes. “I just miss him so much,” she said blotting her mascara with a tissue trying to keep up with the tears streaming down her face.
Interestingly enough, this entire story starts with the passing of a pet. What she was missing in her life was of course this animal she had at her side for the last 16 years, but it was also the version of herself that she used to be. You see a number of years ago she was outgoing and funny, and had energy and a laugh that was contagious. In that day, she would light up around when she walked in with her smile. Over the last number of years she has been in a relationship that while good in some ways has been slowly, but ever so effectively, putting her into a smaller and smaller box, without her ever realizing it was happening.
In her love for this new relationship, she believed she was being a “good wife.” She was loving, she was giving, and she was focused on supporting her husband, being a partner in every way he wanted and needed. The unfortunate part is that he lived a life that was, I’m going to say “smaller“ than who she was when they met. He comes from a family that is very focused on hardship; hard work just to try and make ends meet, grueling back-breaking labor, believing that’s all that he could do, a life that is about just getting by but not really living. He was drawn to her like a moth to a flame. I have no doubt in my mind he couldn’t have helped himself if he had wanted to. She was the light in his life, but over time she started living his life and left her own behind.
When I met with her, the grief in her was yes, about losing the pet, but it was even more so about where in her life, she had lost herself. The loss of her pet brought the loss to the service. Everything she said she missed about her relationship with her pet honestly, were things she missed about her relationship with herself – unconditional love delighting to greet her when she came home, love to run and play every chance she got.
She was talking about herself.
What she was missing was what this beautiful animal brought out in her. What he gave her permission to be fat she didn’t have anywhere else in her life. He reminded her who she really is inside. And with his passing, she lost that.
So her Spirit spoke to her in a loving reminder that the mask of the false hope that she is living under is not her and cannot continue. By stepping out of her way, her dog showed her what was missing in her life. His leaving highlighted the emptiness that she longed to have settled, the sense of adventure, the fun and play, so loving to be with people, and what being with others brings out in her. All of these were things that in her current relationship she had stopped being simply because her partner struggled with limiting beliefs and personal insecurities. This relationship asked her to be small so that it could feel large next to her. God bless her partner, but in his limitations, he never feels like he can be enough for her. And so, without any conscious intention whatsoever has been creating a life that is smaller and smaller and smaller so that eventually she has become small enough that he can feel large next to her.
More than anything I want you to understand that none of this is happening consciously. Within tension all people’s limiting beliefs run through their habitual minds, and accordingly, behaviors that come from it. None of it is done in awareness, and perhaps now awareness can step forward and things can change.
Her Spirits spoke to her about needing to return to herself; needing to return to her curiosity and her play, her fun and joy, and allowing her partner to practice those same things within himself.
The story and very many waves are not over, but rather just beginning. Time will tell with the practice of stepping back into her self and her joy can bring back into her marriage. Only time will tell if her partner can begin to love her into the space that they can both be big and take up their energetic Space together as a marriage. Time, focus, and intention will tell the tale in the end. For now, it is a powerful reminder of how easy it is for us to lose ourselves and our relationships. And then doing so, we become less of the person that our partner originally fell in love with in the first place. Her husband loved the fun energetic and charismatic woman that she was when they met. It is only in his insecurity that he is trying to reserve that only for himself, and no one else. Again, not with any consciousness or intention, simply by default.
In this time of relationship, be mindful of who you are in your relationship with – yourself. Do you give yourself space to fulfill your own needs, wants, dreams, goals, and desires? Where are you in your own bright unique shining star within your relationships? Pay attention, particularly at this time when relationships are such a powerful vibration in the universe.
We are asked to be clear. In clarity, it is about looking and finding ourselves, not pointing a finger or blaming someone else. Use this time as an opportunity for self-discovery and remember that Spirit put you here to take up all of your own space. The Divine has you here to be BIG.
Forever the journey, Anne