The Strategy of Empowerment

She came to me on a “do you have some time” note.  This beautiful woman in the midst of struggle and sadness and is really REALLY hard on herself. It’s been a theme lately.

She has been trying to heal herself, change her thinking, be more positive, and get clarity for months. Yet, she still experiences the struggle of things not being any different.

As she spoke and I listened it came to me that the issues were not her inability to change her thinking, it was the idea that inside of her experience of herself, she felt powerless in her life. This internal experience for her was a conditioning from her childhood that she was repeating in her adult life (yeah, like all of us do).  As a child, she was made to feel responsible, and at fault for everything, but was a child so she had no power to change anything. As an adult, it was in her habit mind to create the same perceptions and experiences simply because that was what she had known.  Her habit mind, like all of ours, loves familiarity and feels it as safety, so it has not been inclined to change anything; hence her battle within herself. She desperately wants to change but had to identify what was really getting in her way. The barrier to changing her mind and accordingly her life was her old installed perception of being powerless.

So we went to work…like actual brass tacks kind of work.

Some things require a strategy.

“Write down all the places in your life you feel powerless,” I directed. At first, I could tell she was reluctant because, after all, she wanted to have happier, more positive thoughts, not more negative thoughts.

“Trust me on this one”, I said, responding to the hesitation I heard in her voice.  “Just walk with me on this. You will spend the rest of your life working your ass off to think differently if you don’t do something different to change your perception”.

The implicit pain involved in that thought was enough to win her over, so she was in.

I went through layer by layer of the instructions:

Write down all the areas you feel powerless.
Write down how you experience your powerlessness.
Write down in each area how you would know if you had power.
Write down in each area what you can do to create your experience of empowerment

Now go do those things.

Simple? Yes. Easy…we’ll see.

In order to break an old habit we have to be willing to install a new one. The unconscious mind hates empty space.

I know lots of you have worked really hard to think positively, to be positive, and to create a life that seems amazing to you. Nice job! I also know lots of people struggle day after day to think differently, feel different, be and do differently, not because they don’t want to, but because we need a strategy.

Oftentimes, we need an actual blueprint for how we’re going to get from one place to another. When we build a house we don’t just “wing it”, we have a blueprint. When you’re building a new habit, you need a blueprint because winging usually doesn’t work very well.

Be willing to put in the time to develop that strategy. Give yourself the best shot you can at creating the changes that you are truly desiring.

After all, it’s your life you’re building!

Forever the journey, Anne

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