Struck by the moment
To all my vegan friends, or folks who don’t like the idea of harvesting meat. This blog is NOT for you. Skip this one.
My earliest memory of hunting is my older brothers sending me through our meadow on my own while they waited to see if I would kick anything out. I didn’t trust my brothers…. My Mother had no idea this was going on. It was sketchy. In my family girls didn’t hunt, even though I had cousins and aunts who were hunters, it was not a girl thing in my immediate family.
A lifetime later I married a hunter, and my son took advantage and decided he wanted in on this tradition, so I decided to get in on it too. I walked around with the group for years, doing drives, sitting in stands, all without a gun. About 5 years ago, I realized it was time for me to step up and so I have been waiting to harvest my first deer. Over the past few years we have not had good luck hunting and I have literally gone entire seasons without ever SEEING a deer much less having a clear shot.
In my mind I have practiced the moment, and I have had a very clear list of prayers, yes prayers to Spirit; please help me be clear, be calm, have peace in my heart. Give me an easy shot, a buck, I want my first one to be a buck, enough time to be careful, remember to take off my safe, and only need one shot. I hate the idea of animals suffering. So, I have rehearsed this opportunity over and over and over in my mind. I have called on my brother (who was a hunter) to be with me and help me. I just want to get this right.
Over the years I have watched others in our group harvest deer. My husband knows me. He knows what is happening inside of me when I stand back quietly looking very intently at the animal we have just taken. He knows I am praying in gratitude. It is simply my belief system. Nature provides, we should be thankful for her gift.
So, opening weekend Sunday evening I am sitting in a deer stand and seeing NOTHING but a chickadee that almost sat on my head. I giggled, and decided to move stands. I texted the others as we like to know who is where in the woods for safety sake. I hike to the next stand, and I’m not feeling it so I keep going and climb into what we call “the corner stand’ as it is literally at a corner where our property meets the neighbors. It is quiet, somewhat secluded and great on breezing days as it is tucked in the trees and protected from the wind. It has a view of an open lane both in front and behind and to an opening to the side. This is a place I actually go and sit in the woods sometimes just because it feels tucked away and peaceful. As it is getting darker I am entertaining myself looking back towards the waterhole I had walked past and pulled my gun up to see that the dark spot I was staring at was really just a clump of weeds… of course.
Then I turned around and there he was; a small buck walking slowly towards me in the open lane in front of me. A stabilizing calm came over me. My mind went blank in the best ways (my mind is never blank, it was a treat), and I ran the list: clear shot, buck, take the safe off, breathe and hold. I have never been so steady or relaxed with a weapon in my hands and I asked quietly, “Please. One shot. Help me.” and I squeezed the trigger.
A few minutes later I am standing over my first harvested animal, a mix of excitement and awe whirling inside of me. I knelt down, and the power of the moment struck me full force and I started to cry and pray; Thank you. Thank you beautiful animal, thank you Spirit for your gift, for entrusting this incredible creature to me. Thank you, we will make the very best use of him, thank you Great Spirit for your sacrifice. As I stroked his head and neck, I was so humbled by what was given to me, and for what I was receiving. Who am I to have the honor of this gift. I admired his beauty and I held his head in my hands. I could taste the salt of my tears, I could hear the squirrels scurrying through the leaves, the sound of my heartbeat in my chest, everything was so loud, and yet so still. I was fully THERE.
About an hour later my husband and his great nephew were there with congratulations and their own excitement, and my little buck was loaded in the trailer. My husband put his hand on my buck’s shoulder and said, “thank you.” It was his way of supporting what he knows is important to me.
As I rode in the trailer back to the farm the temperature had dropped and I could see my breath. The stars were out in a brilliant clear sky and I looked up to see the big dipper perfectly framed by the tops of the trees above. As we drove across the field I looked up and saw Orion in the sky, the warrior. I saw the star outline of a deer and I knew that Spirit was letting me know that all was as it should be. A process that started years ago was now complete. Something that I have asked for again and again, has now been given.
Today is the last day of hunting season. Tomorrow all the clothes and equipment will be cleaned and put away, and I will head to the woods with my offering in hand, back to the spot; bird seed, tobacco and some of our own maple syrup.
I will never forget that moment, that very place in the woods, and that precious gift.