So here we are easing the waist bands on our pants, finding one more use for leftover stuffing and running headlong into our next holiday.
Merry Christmas.
There is a melancholy for me each year that comes with the end of the Christmas season. In recent years, it has meant saying good-bye to my son as he heads back to Navyland, and I am left here without him. My Momma heart always aches for the next time I will sit next to him. Historically, the day after has always brought me the sadness of cleaning up, putting away and the idea that for everything I put into it, did my experience match my effort. Was it as much fun, as it was work to get ready.
As I have… ahem… aged, I have come to realize a couple of things starting with the idea that I have expectations that others have not agreed to, and the job of balancing my fun to my effort has more to do with the perfectionism I hold inside of myself, than anything else.
It’s easy to get caught up in the social media version of Christmas and the feeling that we are falling way short if our homes and tables don’t look Instagram worthy. We do NOT take pictures in matching PJ’s, my house does not look like a trendy boutique and my holiday ham, while delicious, does not contain food coloring to make it look more appealing on photos. That my friends, is not how we live. Not that it’s bad, it’s just not us.
Several years ago I hosted a class called “Food and Spirit’ and it was a conversation around my dining table where I cooked healthier versions of holiday classic dishes and we talked about the pressures that we tend to feel around the holiday season: family dynamics, gift giving, food pressures, alcohol, all the things. In total honesty, this is my favorite conversation style, around the table, casual, and sharing.
What came from that conversation was the overwhelming sense of perfectionism that was largely based in our belief that others had expectations of us. That we were stressed out with all these things because we believed other people (family, friends, etc) EXPECTED these things from us, and so we were obliged to provide… but are we?
In this season, and it’s not too late, take a moment to consider where your inner perfectionism may not be serving you well (I’m being kind in my words as opposed to saying, “hey, take a look at how that is biting you in the ass”) and what are you willing to do to declutter your mind and have joy in the holiday season, and by joy I mean, self acceptance and satisfaction.
I do indeed know some of you who truly LOVE every moment of finding the perfect gift, spending lots of money on your loved one because it’s christmas and you have a reason to do so, making all the food, on and on, and that’s great. This is for those of us that have suffered at the hands of our own inner demons that tell us our value is based on what we deliver.
Where can you open yourself by little things like letting others bring food for family dinner, or setting spending limits, paying for experiences together instead of more things. Saying “thank you but my dance card is already full, I have to decline” or just a simple, “no thank you” when you get that ONE MORE invite to be somewhere and do something.
Where can you let others be part of the success instead of putting all the pressure on yourself? Let others be part of the events, let them feel good about what they are able to contribute to the occasion and set healthy boundaries for yourself so that you too have the joy of this holiday season.
You deserve an amazing holiday season as much as everyone around you does. Recognize where you are getting in your own way and be purposeful about shifting that old behavior that has left you feeling less than satisfied.
Slow down and be intentional about how and why you are doing what you are doing, and you may very well find your way to doing far less, and feeling… a lot more JOY.
Forever the journey, Anne