“Relationships are the laboratory of the Soul” – Rev Michael Beckwith
Relationships, we as humans naturally gravitate towards them. It is often said we are not designed to endure this life alone, so we intuitively connect with those who are from our tribe/family or have like minds, bodies, and hobbies. Typically there is something we have in common. Sadly, often what we have in common is what lies beneath the surface of our awareness, and this. This is where the trouble starts.
Everything in life is indeed a relationship, it doesn’t matter if we’re talking about another person, our community, church or the table top, we are in relationship to everything, including ourselves. The interesting part is that we are often far more objective about issues with people and things outside of ourselves than we are with ourselves. We can see the scratch in the tabletop and remember the situation that it came about, we can look at our loved ones and see how their old stories are still haunting them, but how on earth do we see ourselves as a part of either or both of those?
So, here’s the story. A client and I were having our usual monthly session and talking about so many different aspects of this energy shift, her place, her purpose, her growth. In the midst of discussion about her Significant Other her Guides began to talk about protection. It had become so easy for her to view her spouse from a standpoint of how he doesn’t get it, and his lack of self-awareness. I’m not gonna lie, I was looking at my love just the other night thinking the very same things. “God bless him, but he’s clueless”. Ladies, you know who you are and you know how often we do this. We pretend we’re the ones who are totally together and that our husbands are messed up little boys who haven’t a clue about what’s really going on. Gentleman, you do the same. I know you do. This story just happens to be about a woman.
As with my client, and as the same trap I fall into myself I will ask you, “what are you protecting?”. As the conversation with my client moved on, the Guides talked more about how her fear-mind created this perspective of righteousness in order for her to stay safe. It kept her from having to be truly vulnerable to her spouse. This took us on a journey deep within her, to her young child self constantly having to keep up in a world that wouldn’t slow down for her. Always feeling like she had to have it all together, be strong, smart, help everyone else out because she was stronger than they were. Here’s the deal, she was raised by amazing people! Her parents ran businesses and were impactful in their community. Her parents were fortunate, blessed, and they believed it was their job to help others who were less fortunate. Their intentions were extremely good! But, the lesson her child mind took on was that she had advantages others didn’t, even though as a small child she had no idea what those were! So even as a small child she didn’t feel she could ask for help, or say that she was overwhelmed, or that she needed someone to hold her because she was scared and didn’t know what to do, where to turn, or how to navigate certain decisions. Needing someone else wasn’t ok because she was from a family that was fortunate and other people needed but they did not.
Let’s stop for a second and understand something: our Soul is wise. It knows exactly what we’re here on this planet to practice, it knows how to accumulate the layers that we will utilize to create our growth as life goes on. It’s super smart! But our human form, well, that is left with the direct experience minus the wisdom of our Soul. Which simply means the beliefs, values and perspectives we take on as children are simply formed from the messages we receive from those around us, and are usually not intentional.
As the story goes, through careers, marriages, and relationships, she’s always seen herself as the responsible one. Which means she created a life and relationships that allowed her to always be responsible and to be in situations of needing to have it all together, for years! Now as a mature woman, her Soul is unraveling, as it does with all of us, in stages and layers. And her current layer is vulnerability. Ugh! Yes, that word! Vulnerability – having to risk letting others see us for all of who we are, including our weaknesses and struggles. The entire naked truth. Her fear-mind developed a really snazzy trick over her lifetime. It started seeing her as more righteous, evolved, more knowing than her partner so that her inner child could maintain her safe distance. “He doesn’t understand”, “he has no self-awareness”, “he just doesn’t get it”. Folks, she could be any one of us. We all do it. We think about the things that allow us to tuck our tale and walk the other way with our head held high when really our Spirit is asking us to lean into the discomfort. Spirit asks us to allow ourselves to be truly loved by another person, and to be truly loved, we must let our guard down. We must allow ourselves to be vulnerable to another. Is this a huge risk? YES! They might be clueless for real! They might hurt our feelings, tell us things we don’t want to hear, laugh or make fun, or might be mean. But they might, and if they love us they will at least try – to be understanding and to be kind. If you’re partnered with someone who you honestly believe will laugh at your fears, you might reconsider your partnership. For the vast majority of us, if we’re honest, we know our partners will at least try to understand what makes us tick, what drives us, or scares us, or makes us want to cry sometimes. As humans we are imperfect. All of us. Which means our partners are as well.
I’ll encourage you, with all the love in my heart, to open up, to get down off of that internal proverbial pedestal that keeps you safe inside, and let your heart be open. Allow your inner self to trust, share, enter into this laboratory called relationship and perhaps in there, just find true love.
Forever the journey,