NO as a complete sentence

NO as a complete sentence

 

Once again she was validating why she was setting a boundary with a person who has no sense of boundaries. Every word she said after “No, I can’t because…” was just more fuel for the fire. 

 

Just say “NO.” and be done with it, a friend told her.

 

“What she said,” I added.

 

A week later I was having a very similar conversation with a client. “I said NO, and told her why it wouldn’t work for me, like three times and she just ignored me and did it anyway.”

 

“The problem is that you are asking someone with no boundaries to respect yours,” I told her. 

 

Here is the rub. People who don’t have a sense of appropriate boundaries CAN NOT respect your boundaries. They can’t hear you when you explain your position, they can’t understand your whys or whats, or why nots. They CAN’T! 

 

They literally do not have the capacity to consider others ahead of themselves. 

Very often these are people who were never given a healthy sense of themselves so they can not have a healthy sense of others.

 

“Think of it as a disability.” I told her. “If someone was missing a body part, or had an injury we would understand there may be limitations. This is a limitation.” 

 

And as we would expect these personalities are magnetically attracted to kind giving people who struggle to set their own healthy boundaries, or to advocate for themselves. It’s a different application of the laws of attraction. 

 

Rule 1-10: stop believing you just need to find the “right way” to explain yourself. It’s a trap. They keep you responsible for their behavior. As long as you keep talking they can keep your attention while they ignore your wants and needs seeing them as less important than their own. Stop talking. 

 

The only answer you need is ‘NO.’ (Whenever possible with a ‘.’ not an ‘!’ Anger just fuels them.)

 

That’s it. No explanation. No reasons, excuses or anything else. Just ‘NO.’

 

If they push it, just stick to ‘NO.’ You’re not asking for permission, you are setting a fence post in place. This is my space, stay out.

 

In the beginning it will feel rude or mean. That’s ok. 

 

When you are dealing with someone who is being disrespectful to you, whether they know it, admit it, can help it, or not, it’s ok to do what they can not do… respect YOU.

 

Forever the journey,

Anne

 

Leave a Reply