About a year ago, I set out into the woods with my son and my husband to do some deer stand maintenance. It was a gorgeous fall day and the afternoon sun was just starting to hang a bit in the sky. My son took off on an ATV across the water-sogged meadow to see just how deep the water was as we had a stand on the far end. My husband and I watched the water fly around his wheels and laughed.
Then, we settled in to get some work done.
I climbed up the ladder on a stand, did a quick inspection of the walls and floor and headed back down.
This morning while doing yoga, I could put pressure on my knee on the floor without a pillow. It hurts, yes, but I could do it for the first time in a year.
Much has changed in the past year. My son enlisted in the service, COVID hit our house (hard), both Clarence’s kids now work from their homes, our Granddaughter goes to school on a computer and is well on her way to being as tall as her Mom, we’ve had friends and family members treat injuries and illnesses and have sadly lost some people we truly love. Lots of things are different from a year ago.
I’ve learned that life keeps going, no matter what. When I got hurt, not just my knee was devastated, my mind and emotions were as well. I had never been that severely injured before. I felt like my world should stop so I could do all the things I needed to do to get myself back on track and NOW. Except, the next morning I had to be with my son at the hospital for his surgery and help him with his recovery, and on and on because life keeps moving. I have laughed and cried and screamed in frustration, and the world just hears me and moves on. There is grace in this moving on. I have felt victimized, I have done the “why me?” and still sometimes it creeps in, but I have learned incredible gratitude. I am grateful I can still walk even though not as well or as far as before. I am grateful and believe that time will heal and I will get better and better. Perhaps not back to my version of “normal”, but closer and closer. Life is teaching me to be blessed, even when I may not see it, or feel it, or even want to recognize it. We all have those days.
Let them be days – not weeks, or months or more. Let them be days, or even moments if possible. Do not let fear, sadness, or anger lead you in this life. I guarantee you, it does NOT make things any better, but will absolutely make them seem worse.
While we need to acknowledge our emotions, we do not need to let them run wild like Rottweilers on crack (no offense intended to the breed), without awareness or reservation. No, it is not always easy. I have struggled with my self identity, my self-worth and my self-awareness during this last year…a lot. I’m not too proud to admit that, I am human too. At the end of the day, if I have awareness of my emotions, give credence to what they are and what they need, and then reframe, and Iam happier. I am still technically disabled, but only in my body. My mind has nothing but positive potential for the outcome. There is a monumental difference between being disabled in our bodies, and being disabled in our minds, or emotions. Consider that. One does NOT automatically lead to the other.
I start another round of PT soon. It comes after a couple recent injections of various types as attempts to get this train on a better, healthier track. Do I like it? No. Will I give it 100% because I want an optimum as possible result? Hell, yes.
Life keeps going. While I can’t always control the route it takes, I can decide how I want to experience the scenery.
Forever the journey,