Is it about ‘more’ or is it about ‘trust yourself’?
“I know this is always a topic of conversation, but…money. I never feel like I have enough money. I mean I make good money, but….”
I stepped in and asked about bills being paid, money set aside, fun things, etc. and yes, all of that is happening.
“Well, we’re putting two kids through college and I still have debt.” She was getting down on herself.
“Ok,” I said. “Let’s peel this onion.”
She was down on herself because she didn’t think she was handling her money properly because she still had to budget her money. Turns out, as her Spirit stepped in, it had nothing to do with her management.
“Change the message.”
So we developed a positive affirmation that was a much better fit than the story inside her head. The FACT is that she is so fortunate to BE ABLE TO put her kids through college. She could spend her money however she wants, she chooses to put it towards her kids’ college education. Nothing wrong with that.
As she was talking, her Spirit softly whispered in my ear. “She doesn’t trust herself. She thinks she is bad with money decisions because she wasn’t taught about money decisions.”
True story. Like many people, especially women, we were never taught about money. Her Parents, like so many others, didn’t teach her HOW to make good money decisions, so she has spent her entire adult life believing the problem was that she didn’t make enough money, while the much deeper issue is that she doesn’t trust herself to be making good decisions, because she was never taught what “good money decisions” are! Like many people she was set out on her own to figure it out. Her college was paid for by her parents, and the rest was up to her. Good luck!
So, of course, she has always felt insecure about her money decisions, so she has been convinced that she is doing something wrong because she can’t afford everything she wants to do with her money, simultaneously. Like many of us, she has to choose what she is spending her money on. Because she didn’t see her parents having to do that, because she was never brought into the family finances, she had no idea that “choosing” is normal.
“We just always had money. We had what we wanted, my parents paid for our college, they drove nice vehicles, etc. so I never saw my parents figuring out money issues. I’m sure they had them! I just never saw or heard those conversations, so I thought I was doing something wrong because I am always looking at finances.”
Yup!
So, in the end it became a conversation about trusting herself. Could she look at her money choices and feel good about her priorities?
She absolutely does! She loves being able to give her kids the gift of education. It means the world to her. As a good Mom, she always puts her children before herself, so their bills are paid before her bills are paid, but there is more than enough money to go around so it is fine.
What changed was her ability to see herself in the empowerment of conscious choice; that she is so fortunate as to be ABLE to choose where her money goes, instead of where it HAS to go.
She is in the driver’s seat and doing a great job when she allows herself to look at things differently than she could before.
It was not an issue of enough. It was an issue of trust.
That’s a mouth full. How often are we feeling nervous or insecure about our choices and decisions, whether about money or a list of other things, not because we are bad at making them, but because we believe that we are struggling with things that others don’t struggle with. Or, because we were never taught what it is really like behind the “adulting” curtain.
Be kind to yourself, and please, reframe the message.
“I am enough. I have enough. I love that I get to choose consciously.”
You got this.
Forever the journey, Anne