In the sanctuary of others
I am an introvert. To some of you that will be shocking, to others not so much. I am fine by myself; being home, traveling, going out to dinner, etc. I love my people but I don’t NEED them to have something to do. I don’t “need someone to go with” when I want to go somewhere or do something. I take personal retreats each year or so where I purposely go somewhere away from home, by myself and go for days without talking to another human unless I have to. These things absolutely fill my Soul and recharge my battery. I NEED time alone, and a pretty fair amount of it.
Point of clarity for you extroverts. Just because someone CAN carry on a conversation, or has good social skills does NOT mean they are an extrovert, and with many of you being extroverts I understand that you don’t understand that at all. I’m teasing you, and I’m still serious.
In the most basic description; me + lots of peopling = trouble. Me + alone time = nice Anne that loves people and carries on good conversations.
I haven’t shared a hotel room with another woman in almost 15 years… it’s miserable for me. I will absolutely pay the extra fee at the retreat center, the hotel, whatever for the single room, and to do so is my norm if I travel for work, or play.
So when a friend of mine said she was hosting a women’s retreat and I should attend with another mutual friend of ours I said, “Um, I’ll think about it.” And when that mutual friend talked to me and said, ”WE SHOULD TOTALLY DO THIS!!,” I felt a little sick inside. I love these women, they are my tribe and the last thing I wanted to do was hurt anyone’s feelings. I liked the idea of the retreat, I just didn’t like the idea of other people being there with me. LOL.
Finally, I agreed. Yes, I will attend the retreat, out of state, with other humans, and yes, I will share a hotel room with another person who I am neither married to, nor gave birth to. (Insert deep holy crap breath here.)
Months went by, more talk about the going and the doing, and a zoom meeting with everyone who would be at the retreat and I confessed my trepidation about going and being with others and staying with someone else. I felt more than a bit odd bringing this up at the meeting, but I thought it was better to be honest in case I did indeed, mid trip, need to bow out of the retreat and the hotel stay and go camp in the desert by myself.
As the time for us to leave got closer, and God bless my friend whom I was staying with because she was SO respectful and aware of my nervousness and the needs I have for my own space. You know who you are!!! I felt more and more nervous. I started thinking of reasons that I would need to cancel… except we had made arrangements for my husband to meet me in Phoenix after the retreat and had plans to see my son and DIL in San Diego in the days after… I was stuck.
Here we go.
People, I have no idea what came over me. Maybe it was the magic effects of Sedona (it truly is magic). Maybe it’s living in a remote area and getting away from home and in connection with amazing women, maybe it was the moon. I DON’T KNOW. But, whatever it was. It worked. I loved the time with other women who love, support, encourage, share opening and honesty and held nothing back from one another. I love the time with my friend sharing a space where we openly and honestly talked about what we needed and took care of each other. I talked, laughed, cried, shared, opened up, ate, slept, drove, hot tubbed, had morning coffee, breakfast, lunch and dinner with others, and I loved every moment of it. From morning until sleep time, I was with others, and it was beautiful. My cup runneth over!
Driving my friend back to the airport I thought about having several hours alone waiting for my husband to arrive, and I must admit dropping her off and driving away, I felt odd being alone. Was I actually MISSING having her with me??
An hour later I was sitting in a laundry mat staring out the window with coffee in my hand while my clothes were in the washing machine. I thought about the previous days, the magic of Sedona, the incredible women I had the immense privilege of sharing space and Spirit with and I smiled, and was actually really proud of myself. While I sat there I realized my total ease and comfort again with being anywhere alone in my own company, and also realized a new space within me had opened up. A space where I had experienced myself as a sovereign being within the company of others.
Cheers to next year’s retreat.