I was sick as a dog. I mean I couldn’t even get out of bed, running a fever, all sorts of creative body things happening that I won’t get into. You get it, I was sick.
Midday on this hellacious day my phone rings and I ignore it. A few seconds later it rings again. I ignored it (seriously, I was SICK) and on the third call back I’m convinced it was important so I grabbed my phone and caller ID said “mom and dad cell.”
My Mom only has her cell phone on when she wants to talk to YOU, as in it is not typically even turned on. She uses it when she leaves home alone (rarely ever happens) or more often when there is an emergency and someone is in the ER. Fearing the worst I answer the phone to this horrible loud BEEP BEEP BEEP sound of someone hitting keys on the other side “‘Mom” it continues, “MOM”… still continues … “MOM!!!”
“Yeah?! Who’s this?” my Dad’s voice on the other side of the line.
“Dad?!” This is not who I expected to hear.
“Yeah! Who IS this?” Now he sounds irritated.
“It’s Anne” he’s calling me so I figured he would know who he’s calling, but….
“Are you here?!” he asks.
“Am I where?” I’m so confused.
“Here at home,” he is just as confused.
“No, I’m at my house. Are you ok?” I’m still convinced there is something wrong and he is calling me instead of like…911.
“How did you get on the phone?” So, so confused by this which I do not understand as HE. CALLED. ME.
Is he serious??? “YOU. called. ME.”
“No I didn’t. I’m calling Ma in the house.” Now we’re getting somewhere.
“No dad, you called me on my phone.”
The back and forth ensues. “I did NOT. I called Ma in the house and he recited their phone number to me, twice, like just in case I don’t remember my childhood phone number.
“Dad, you called me on my phone.”
Again, “I did NOT. I called Ma in the house” and gave me our phone number one more time, like in case I missed it the first two times. He is genuinely irritated and I’m quite sure he thinks I’m playing tricks on him. He sounds irritated.
“Dad, are you ok?” I asked him again.
“Yeah! I was calling Ma to come and help me.” Now I’m worried again.
“Help you with what?” I ask somewhat hurriedly.
“I need her help in the shed. I need an extra set of hands.”
“Ok, so you’re ok, you just need some help.”
“YEAH!” Now he sounds even MORE irritated.
Ok, I’m going to call Mom and tell her to come out to the shed and help you.
“I CALLED THE HOUSE!” He shouts.
God bless him but he can NOT figure out what is going on with the phone.
I simply can not figure out what is going on. period.
“I know Dad, I’ll call Mom and send her outside”.
I call my Mother.
“Mom, go out to the shed, Dad needs your help.”
“Why? What’s wrong? I just looked out a few minutes ago and saw him in the shed, he looked fine.”
“Mom, he called me trying to call the house. He needs you to help him”
“With what? I just saw him a minute ago.” She is going to the window to look out to the shed to see if she can see him….
Yes, she is wanting me from 90 miles away to tell her what my Dad needs and he is 100 feet away in his shed. It is as if she thinks I am trying to get out of something and making her do it instead.
“I don’t know, but can you please go help him?”
“Why did he call you?” Now SHE is also confused.
“If there is a God in heaven I will find out”
…I pause…
“Mom. “What is my speed dial number on your cell phone?”
She stops to think, “It’s 5. You’re number 5”
I am the 5th kid. You see where this is going.
My fathers fingers, not as nimble as they once were, hold the phone keys down with more pressure, for longer periods of time than they used to, or that our technology is set up for.
My parents phone number starts with…you guessed it…5.
Folks, there are three reasons I am writing this;
1: Aging parents are a real thing, and until you’re there, you have no idea.
2: Having my parents is a gift and I will take their craziness all day everyday because they are a blessing.
3: Comedy writers couldn’t nail a skit as funny as this was to me.
I sit with so many people who even decades later are still grieving the loss of their parents, or working to come to terms with their relationship with them. As we enter this season of Mother’s Day and Father’s day, if you’ve got one or both, consider yourself blessed and love them up. If you have issues with your parents and they are still alive, heal the wounds now because the vast majority of the time it is easier to come to terms with them as humans while they are still alive than it is once they’re gone. If they are elderly, like mine, and require all kinds of effort, give it, you have a problem many people would LOVE to have. I remember that every day…even when I am sick and barfing.
Now, the house number is speed dial number 1.
Problem solved.
Forever the journey, Anne