Healing Through Generations

Healing Through Generations

There is a saying that goes, “daughters come here to heal the sins of their mothers”. Now, let me be clear – this does not mean all of our mothers are some weird sinners. The deeper message is that as daughters, we tend to face a place at some point in our lives, where we have to take a look at the storylines of the women of our ancestors who came before us. It’s not just our mothers, but also often our mother’s mother, and her mother, and her mother before her. We, the daughters, are the trickle down of all the thoughts, feelings, perceptions, beliefs, values, wounds, abuses, and neglects to keep their mouths shut for fear of something painful happening that happened before us.

2019 is a Universal number 3, it’s the triad, the unity, community, communication, and healing of women. If you’ve never read the book “The Red Tent”, I’d highly recommend doing so. While there is the storyline of the domination of men, the true story is a story of women. It’s a story of how women care for each other, defend each other, persuade, attend, heal, and mourn for one other. It’s beautiful, savage, and culturally accurate. Beyond the culture of the time and place, it is a story of what has gone missing in our current women’s culture. It reminded me of how we’ve turned our backs on other women, how we’ve been enculturated to the unhealthy masculine of domination and ladder climbing of “making it”, and in the process have forgotten a much deeper, beautiful truth of our sacred femininity.

So here we are in 2019, this wonder of 3, with much work to do beginning with the individual story of our family. Please know the work Spirit is asking us to do has effects that go far beyond our individual family lines. Within us though, is always the best place to start. They’ve been coming in droves, so I would have to be blind and dumb as a box of hammers to not recognize that I, too, am being asked to heal some old storylines. In the past year, I’ve watched my Mother in many ways come into another form of her own. My Dad was almost killed in an accident a year ago, one that also involved my Mother. In his year of trying to heal and regain his former self, she has had to do more, be more, think more, try more, push herself harder, go beyond preconceived notions of her capabilities, not because she wanted to, but because she has had to.

It’s just the two of them together, still living on the family farm. While we’ve all made ourselves available to help where we can, the moment-to-moment, day-to-day, is handled by the two of them.  One year later, my Dad had another injury, one that he could have prevented had he been more conservative with his energy. But, he’s still my Dad and the man with the will that if he can, he will. This time he couldn’t, and he’s now dealing with an extremely painful back issue. My Mom, well, her caretaking and farm running responsibilities just kicked into high gear again.

I came from a family where women were seen as less than men. We were weak, less logical, less process oriented, more vulnerable, didn’t make money, etc. Women were for farm work, gardening, housekeeping, raising children and balancing the checkbook (if the man allowed). Our thoughts were not necessarily taken seriously, because it was assumed we lacked logic and reason and general know-how of how things worked. Women needed men, but the reverse didn’t seem to be seen as true. Just because I realize these mentalities came out of fear, doesn’t mean they didn’t take hold inside of me.

“What we don’t pass back, we pass on” is an age-old axiom that really says it all. When we maintain the storylines without awareness, we doom the next generation to the same beliefs and values, priorities and behaviors. Not just their values for their lives, but what value they have within the structure of their lives. I’ve had more women than I can count in my office the last several months struggling with their place, their value, their capabilities than I’ve seen in years. Whenever I see a repetitive theme in the clients in my office, I know there is something for me to look at within myself as well. Here it was.

We are being asked to heal our ancestral wounds, ladies. Spirit is asking us to see the discomfort, and not to name it as who it belonged to that is NOT US, but rather, how, whether we like it or not, we have become pieces and parts of it. It’s time for us to recognize where we carry our Mothers and Grandmother’s and Great-great Grandmother’s hurt, anger, injustice, fear, or abuse, that sometimes looks like overachieving, anxiety, stick to-it-ness, pressure, undo-stress, perfectionism. The outward appearance isn’t always ugly, but we’re not concerned about the outside. It’s the inside that matters. This is where we torment ourselves for not being enough, or not knowing all the answers before the problem presents itself, for not getting the promotion or the accolades, or not being able to make someone else happy, for not being seen, or good enough, or even being too much.
The affliction itself is often not the primary focus. It’s really not about who did what to whom. However, for some, identifying this has been critical. They had to know where and from whom their old story came from, so we dug and discovered. For others, its more about the issue that has presented itself generation after generation, which no one had talked about, no one had named for fear of being outcast, or ostracized for being the whistleblower. For others, it’s looking more deeply into the fears, the limitations, the pain that holds them back, but they have no idea why or where it is coming from.

For some, it has brought incredible relief to finally name it and give it back. For others, it has become a process of generational healing that will continue for as long as it continues. No right way, no wrong way, just a way. When we empower ourselves with the truth of our grace, our love, and our purpose as women, as humans, we can all do better in this world. We are better within ourselves, yes, but we are also better mothers, daughters, advocates, professionals, co-workers, bosses, friends, and wives. When we look to heal those unseen and unspoken wounds of generations past, we are better, and we do better. We can be more clear about our own value without as much need for validation from the outside world, we can be more authentically who are were put here to be, and stand as a force of strength and fortitude that others can look to and lean on in times of need. We take better care of ourselves, and so, each other, and our environment. We become the community of women, and men, that hold each other, support each other and raise each other up with greater consciousness and intention. We, as a global society are simply better.

As I’ve watched my Mother this past year, and my sister, and other women around me in my family, I’ve seen a lot of patterns. Some are beginning to shift, others as steadfast as ever, and I’ve recognized what is mine for now to do, and what isn’t. I know that awareness will change as time goes on and I will be asked to see more or be different. We all are, and we all will. This isn’t about getting to a place of “I’m done”, it’s about getting into a space of “I’m open”.

I’m open to receiving, to look, to listen, and to learn. To see who I am in this storyline and what I can hand back so I don’t have to hand it on. I’ve seen some places I wish I had seen years ago; perhaps I could’ve changed more. I’ll never know. I trust in Spirit that all has its purpose that each Soul is here for its own unique journey and it knows more than I do, what it needs in order to learn. I trust that – I just do.

The obvious next step in this line of healing is to recognize it is true for men as well. The Universe did not birth us to live divided, we are interrelated and our struggles while perhaps not the same, we are indeed similar. I am watching men struggle with their feminine energy. They’re tired of their own limitations developed by our culture about who they “must be” and who they “shouldn’t be” if they are the right kind of men. As women work to heal, we can heal our interactions and expectations of men, and visa versa. I’ve often heard women talk about how unemotional men are, how ignorant to what’s happening in their families or the world around them. How men have no sensitivity or how they can’t handle women’s feelings. Ladies, who raised them? We did. The women. We want our sons to be soft and sensitive men, but we don’t raise them that way. We too often stand back and let the culture have its way with them as if we, their Mothers don’t have the right to say how we want them to see the world, but everyone else does. So, we end up with men who struggle to know their own feelings, to be their true selves, to identify what brings them joy and fulfillment. Does this sound familiar? They’re out there, I assure you, in droves they too are coming, to be seen, heard and encouraged to find their own Divinely intended selves. We’re in this together. Healing happens in tribes, with support and encouragement. We, too, can bring this mentality forward, not just for our sister, but with our brothers as well. We can, and I believe Spirit is saying that we must. The emotional pain is so apparent.

Extend a hand. Lend an ear. Take a moment to be present. Be purposeful about stopping, changing your tone, your stance, your time frame, so the people you love can be a little more available to their truth. We can create and hold sacred space for one another United. It’s a choice. Not always easy, but still necessary.

The wounds of ancient are prodding us to let them go, to heal, to move beyond their stories of limitations. Let’s love them and set them free.

Blessings Galore, Anne

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