It honestly made my heart ache. There she was, young, beautiful, talented, smart, successful in most of the ways that people think matter, and so frustrated.
“I just don’t understand why I can’t figure it out,” she said. “I’m 30 years old and I have no idea what I’m doing in my life, I should have it figured out by now!”
Oh my goodness, you should? I looked at myself at 51 years old (almost 52), and thought to myself: at my age and I’m still not sure what or whom I’m going to be when I grow up, and this poor dear at 30 years old is in tears because she doesn’t have it figured out yet.
It’s amazing to me how often I hear this, and it makes me sad. Every. Single. Time.
When did we start thinking there is this magic agenda the world has for us, but we don’t have access to? When did we start thinking that if we haven’t checked certain boxes by certain ages that we’ve done something horribly wrong, and our life is being ruined by every nanosecond we are without our master plan? I have friends who are in their 40’s and never married who wonder what’s wrong with them…nothing. Absolutely nothing. They’re beautiful, wonderful, loving, compassionate, amazing, successful people. I know people who like me are in the second half of life still open to possibilities of what life has to bring. Which is a nice way of saying we don’t have it figured out.
I think we all know the ones who set the bar. You know, they’ve known since they were 14 years old they wanted to be an electrician and then just went and became one. And a damn good one. Yeah, that’s my husband. He, and people like him, ruin the curve for the rest of us. These rarities that seriously know from the time they are children what they want to do, and then just go do it. Forever.
Here’s the rub. This sounds horribly boring to me. I’ve done several different things in the time he’s been an electrician, and I’m no worse for wear. But, we have these EXPECTATIONS from others that tell us you have to “figure it out” and fast, or else. I always wonder what folks are so worried about. Or else…what? What’s going to happen if you change jobs, or careers, or locations, or spouses or lifestyles, or whatever it is that leaves one is a space of “I should have it figured out by now”. Seriously, who cares?
Here is what I think is really going on; figuring it out isn’t about what you’re doing. It’s about who you are being. When I talk to people who have it figured out, they are often not people who woke up in Jr. High and realized their life work. They are people who know what makes them happy, and they do things that make them happy. The people who have figured it out are the people who work at things and/or play at things they find fulfilling and meaningful. They don’t have life figured out from some magical unseen equation, they have themselves figured out. They know what happiness is and how to get it. They know what gives them a sense of joy and purpose and allows them sleep at night, and they do it. They know who they are in the depths of their Soul and they live that shit out onto the planet every single day. They’re happy because they know who they are and accordingly, they do things that give them joy and make them feel complete. Vibrationally, this is a recipe for success. This is the way of true alignment that allows energy to flow into and through us leading us to more of what we already know we want more of, because we know us. This, my friends, is the law of attraction. This is the golden ticket to having it figured out. It’s not about figuring out anything that is out there, it’s all about allowing what’s inside to come outside and take a form.
So, it’s a new year. Why not set a new goal? A very different goal. One that is not based on numbers or percentages or charting your life course, but one about becoming more authentically you. The richness in life isn’t always your bank account, but is more of what is truly in account, your true self.
Seriously, let’s figure this out.
Blessings galore, Anne