So, Friday afternoon a friend and I are sitting down having a glass of wine after a short workday and we begin to talk about her Grandma. I’ve read for this person before, and she recounted the first time I had ever read for her, and her Grandma came through in the reading. We talked about her love of visiting her Grandmothers grave and how close she feels and how often she feels her Grandmother around her. She leaves messages on her Grandmothers grave when she visits, and she knows she’ll “hear back” from her Grandma afterwards. They leave pennies for each other. I was telling her about my upcoming weekend, and she said she’d ask her Grandma to send me just the right people during my weekend.
Did she ever.
Expo weekends are tough for me. Not gonna lie. I love people, I seriously do. They amaze me. But tons of people in big convention centers with tall ceilings making tons of noise, with energy bouncing everywhere, well, that’s less amazing for me. My introverted nature goes on overload. None the less, off we go.
I arrived in Fargo Friday night to a text message from a dear friend. Her mother had been on hospice care for days and she was wanting some reassurance that her Mom was doing okay in her transition. With pleasure. I’ve knows this woman for years, and while our contact with each other is limited due to distance and busy lives, she remains strong in my heart. I saw her Mother surrounded by Arch Angels, while her guardian Angels stood back and watched them work. Every time I’ve witnessed this “preparation” as they call it, it feels like magic to me. The light, no, the illumination around the Arch Angels, and the person in transition is incredible to me. It’s like every cell or fiber of being is glowing. I don’t have words to describe it. I texted my friend and told her they “are preparing her”. There was nothing to do but wait, and for her to know her Mom was fine, and being cared for completely by the AA’s (Arch Angels).
After I texted her, I felt absolutely overwhelmed with gratitude. “Who the hell am I” I thought, “to be able to do this for people I care about”. My smallness, for lack of better word, in this vast, incredible Universe, struck me and I just felt numb. I am so blessed to be “gifted”, and to be able to share that gift with people, yes, but with people I love. I thought to myself, if I never made another dollar in this work, it would be worth it for this moment. To give to someone I love with a gift I never asked for, and only pray I’m making best use of.
That night I had a dream. I was at the mall (of all places, but it makes sense really) with my Mom, my sister and my Grandma (who has been gone for years, but she was at the mall with us). My Grandma would be 108 years old if she were still alive and, in this dream, she looked 108. Small, fragile, weak, but still smiling and still sweet and loving and so much the Grandma she was. When my Gramma was still alive, she loved it when we took her shopping, and we would kid that keeping track of her was a full-time job. Like taking a toddler to a store, we had to keep an eye on her every moment, or she’d get lost. We’d take turns keeping track of her. In the dream my Mom and sister walked away, and it was just me and my Gramma. As I was walking around looking at clothes on a rack, I noticed I could not see my Gramma out of the corner of my eye. I looked and she was lying on the floor on her back, eyes closed. I panicked and yelled, “GRAMMA!!”, her eyes opened. “I was just resting”, she said. I picked her up and put her on the sofa that was right next to her. She laid her head back and started to sing me a song, in German. I looked at her and she could tell I couldn’t understand what she was singing so she started singing in English, “its time to go, I must say good-bye”. I started to cry because I knew she was telling me she was going to die, and I told her it was okay, she was tired, and I told her I was so glad she let me be there to say good-bye. See, in the real world, I wasn’t there when my Gramma died. I was at work. My Mom had called my house phone and left me a voicemail, that I never got until I got home that night, after I had already been notified my Gramma had passed and had been to my parents to see my Mom. I’ve always regretted the fact that I wasn’t there when she left us. She was such a special woman. The ultimate Grandma. This woman thought everything we did was just wonderful. She baked for us, fed us, made pizza on Thanksgiving (true story), thought my brothers 5 keg party when my parents were gone “Must’ve been a lot of fun” and didn’t even tell my parents about the kegs lined up against the corn crib when she arrived the next morning to “check on us”. She could be feisty! When she turned 80, she announced that “she had been nice her entire life, and now she was going to say what she thought”. We learned to duck and cover when we needed to and laughed a lot. We LOVED THIS WOMAN!! I sat on her lap until I was big enough to have her sit on mine. Crazy love for her. So, after all these years of regret, to have the chance to be there for her when she died, was pure gift. I woke up crying and so thankful. A weight had totally been lifted, I felt lighter. There was space in my heart that hadn’t been there since she died.
I got up and checked my phone. I had a text from my friend with whom I had been talking the afternoon before. She looked out her kitchen window that morning and saw a bunny that looked like it had been hit in the road. It was struggling. In her sadness she went to see what she had available to help the poor thing along. When she got to her front door, the bunny was gone. she walked out and checked the ditches, etc. No bunny. She was only gone a couple minutes. Her text said she was convinced her Grandma had fixed the bunny and helped it up and off the road. Way to go Grandma! She was delighted the bunny was gone and said she had asked her Grandma to send me a miracle too.
Late Sunday night I crawled in bed at home, and ‘checked on” my friends Mom. The Arch Angels had lifted her from her bed and held her in their arms. I knew it wouldn’t be long.
She passed a few hours later.
If I understood a fraction of what goes on in Spirit, I’d be thankful for the wisdom. I stand in awe on a daily basis. I won’t ever claim to understand it. I only know I am thankful that I trust and believe in its presence. That I love my life believing that I walk constantly with the Divine, guided, guarded in constant relationship with all that IS. THAT amazes me. Getting to witness it first hand, pure fucking magic. People its everywhere! We are never alone, never left out, never on our own. Our thoughts and feelings are always heard, even when we don’t get the results we want. We have a constant witness that makes our being here a miracle. I beg you, Live, and love that miracle. Focus on what is happening around you and within you. Pay attention to what and whom you love. Do what you can do. Forget the rest. It’s already taken care of.
And love your Gramma.
Blessings Galore (and I mean that more than ever)