I literally had moments of tears. Full on, real tears, I was so taken in by the magnitude of where I was standing and the incredible beauty that surrounded me. It was one of what I call “moments of perfection.”
Moments of Perfection for me are those awe inspiring moments that literally bring me to tears in the best of ways, and the feeling inside of me is one that if I died right then, I would leave this world perfect; happy, content and totally at peace within. They are moments for me when time and space come to a complete stop and I am held suspended in what I can only describe as magic. The Grand Canyon, watching Christian get off the bus after 28 days in the wilderness seeing him as a man and no longer a boy, seeing my great nephew’s open eyes the moment he entered the world, and so many more, and here I was, having another one. As is typical in these moments, I can not contain the tears even if I try. They just stream down my face.
I have wanted to see a concert at Red Rock Amphitheatre for probably 30 years, no joke, and there I was walking the line with hundreds of other sacred souls climbing the ramp to get to “there.” As we entered I was absolutely mesmerized. I held Clarence’s hand so I could look all around and not trip or run into people (grace is not my middle name). I was in pure awe, and somewhere inside of myself, I wasn’t sure I deserved it.
As we got to our seats and I was taking in my surroundings, thoughts ran through my mind as the awe left me. What I “should” be doing for work, for home, for everything else. I thought about what other people would think… like they even CARE. I thought about Christian and how I was here having fun and he was somewhere in the middle of the ocean at the bottom of a ship working his butt off. Seriously, my guilty brain would not shut up. What occurred to me as I listened to my chattering mind and felt my body, was that I really don’t know how to feel into my deserving, and all of this inner dialog came from that discomfort.
All the feelings I have about people who are very comfortable with their own deserving and it shows… some of them I don’t want to be like.
But I do indeed, as a sacred being, know that I can be ok in feeling like I am enough to allow myself to receive great things.
From there, that place of recognizing that this was really about being able to allow myself to receive great things, it all started to change… for the better. I looked around at the beauty around me and I swear I heard Spirit’s voice, “it’s all for you, or you wouldn’t be here.” It was an ah-ha moment. If I am in the situation, then I can waste it feeling like I don’t deserve it and then NOT allow the greatness of it, or I can realize it is happening so clearly I am meant to receive in it, and then open up and allow myself to have the greatness of that moment. So, I opened up, allowed the greatness in, and felt the wonder of being there. Magic.
We went to see Lord Huron, one of my favorite bands, and their opener was a lovely young woman going by the name Clover County. She played and sang and was sweet as can be, and at the end of her set she said, “I can’t believe it. Two weeks ago I graduated from college, and 10 days ago I opened for the first time for Lord Huron. Tonight, I am opening at Red Rocks, one of the most amazing venues in the world.” and without trying, or being able to hold them back, she started to cry. Right there on stage, with the jumbo screen focused right on her face. I feel you little Sister. In that moment she too had an ah-ha moment of her own receiving and her own allowing the greatness, and her own experience of her deserving. It was beautiful. Of course the crowd cheered her on and loved her up and she sang another beautiful song and then left the stage still and again, wiping away tears of joy and probably a little overwhelm.
You see, we are all asked to find it. Our deserving. Our ability to recognize that if we are there in the moment, it is meant for us. When we are in moments of greatness, to let those feelings inside and take hold and remind us that we are children of this great Universe and so it is truly for us. To allow ourselves to receive the greatness, the fullness, the perfection of that moment.
As we are constantly moving and expanding in this time, I ask you to allow yourself your own moments of perfection. To soften into the greatness of the wonderful around you, and to let yourself feel into an inner space that is open to receiving.
This is a time to experience yourself into your deserving.
Forever the journey, Anne