I was working with a beautiful young woman a while back. She is smart, both intellectually and worldly, pretty, energetic, outgoing, you name it. She is all the things in one package that most people love, but some are envious of and others latch onto because deep down inside they think if they’re with her, they’ll be great too.
During our time together the conversation went to the last one.
Let’s face it, this is a Jr. High mentality many people are still afflicted with. If you’re amazing, and I make you my friend, then people will think I’m amazing by proxi. If only!
In this case, it was a co-worker.
My client is extremely kind and didn’t want to hurt her co-workers feelings. They ate lunch together in the cafeteria at their work, occasionally ran errands together over lunch under the “oh, me too (Target, Walgreens, etc) , can I go along with you?” Pretty soon, the personal stories started. Things that had nothing to do with work, and honestly, were fairly inappropriate for the workplace. Then, the childhood/family of origin stuff. So on and so forth.
It was overbearing, but this kind woman just kept smiling and allowing it. By allowing, I mean, to be rolled over and crusted under the weight of this other person’s needs.
Pretty soon the other person is sharing stories around the office about their conversations, she is shopping at the same stores for the same outfits, hanging around with the same co-workers, taking up the same hobbies, it’s almost a little single white female-ish for those of you who are old enough to remember that movie. (Ok, except they didn’t live together, and she never tries to kill my client).
So, my client tolerates, and tolerates and tolerates.
“I’m so exhausted when she’s around me, I feel so bad. I mean, she’s really nice, I just don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
Sweetheart, there is nothing wrong with you. Absolutely nothing.
So, we talk about energy, and people’s insecurity and the draining of energy that can come with it.
Here’s the deal, we have all known them. You know, those super nice people that every time you’re with them you feel like all your life force drains out your feet. Every time they’re near you, you find yourself trying to tune out so that you can mentally get away from them even when you can’t physically get away from them. Yeah, those folks.
Now hear me on this, please. They don’t mean to be that way! Seriously, they have no idea. And here is the next thing. It doesn’t matter if they mean to or not. The effect they have on you is the same.
This is where the buck needs to stop.
People can be super nice and drain your energy. They can be super friendly and helpful and still make you feel exhausted. It’s not personal. Really. I’m not trying to be mean, but we must protect our energy. It’s another one of those, “if we don’t, no one else will” things. You don’t need to feel like you’re being judgy; however, you do need to recognize the signals your body is sending you and respond accordingly.
For my client, her Guides made it very clear what the unconscious motivation was for her co-worker. She wasn’t trying to suck the life out of her, she just wanted to belong next to someone she admired and wanted to be like. Yes, there was a pattern there of her trying to accomplish this with many people, but that’s not the important part of the story. The important part is that we feel what we feel around certain people and we listen to our body and our Spirit’s wisdom when it says, “it’s not a fit for you”. Because that’s all they’re saying. It is not your vibration, and you don’t belong there trying to make someone else fit next to you. Send love, compassion, all the good feelings as you’re walking away. Create distance physically if need be, but more importantly, create it energetically. You do you, and hand everyone their power back so there is no more riding on your energetic shirt tales.
It’s not selfish, it’s how we care for ourselves, and we must care for ourselves!
So, over the past few months my client has been practicing setting boundaries. Only so much time talking to this person (they’re co-workers so they have to see and talk to one another), listening to her body for the moment she starts to feel drained, and gracefully exiting the conversation the second she starts to feel the tug. She is doing great! She feels good about being able to pay attention to herself, and monitor her energy and because of her additional energy she is able to get other things done, and go after more of her work dreams.
It’s a win!
Remember, you can be loving and compassionate and not let someone walk all over your energy, draining you as they go. It’s ok to say “thanks, but no thanks” to more time and more togetherness when you know someone isn’t good for you even if they’re nice. You don’t need physical signs (think thug in a hoodie) to know what your energy body is telling you.
You just need to listen and respond.
Forever the journey,