Recently I was working with a client of mine and we were talking about some hardships she is experiencing currently. The conversation turned to one about what we can control in life, what we can’t, the influence of others on our lives, how we are raised, etc..
Where we landed was talking about attitude and how attitudes are developed throughout our life. We talked about family of origin stuff; how our beliefs are formed by our authority figures’ views of the world and what life is about, and are we safe or not.
The changing of tides as we hit adolescence and the influence of our friends, and our exposure to other families and how we begin to compare what is held as truth in our own family vs what we are seeing and hearing when we hang out with our friends at their houses.
We talked on and on about the places of impact in her life and did a fun little project on creating a “lifeline,” major points along your life journey and how they affected you, your beliefs, values, etc.
Ok, and finally the best part!! At one point she said, “that’s like the buddhist quote, ‘we are all born with an empty cup.’”
I stopped, I had never heard this reference before. That’s genius.
None of us are born with a cup half full or half empty. We are born with an empty cup.
Once we are on this amazing ride of a lifetime, then our outer influences, family, friends, religion, traumas, etc start to give up an impression of whether our cup is full or empty and to what levels. But it is all perception… none of that is “true.” Our view, our attitude develops from groups of exaggerated opinions! Even when something happens to us as children so much of what we take away is based not on our own direct experience but on the reactions of others within that experience.
Now I am not getting down on anyone’s family, lifestyle, religion, etc or minimizing some of the things that have happened to us as children, but this person and I together found incredible freedom in the awareness that “our cup” is of our own making. We have agency, and can shift our beliefs, our perspectives, our values, any and all of the things that make up our attitude. It’s moving and flexible, not fixed. We were TAUGHT by people who were taught by people, who were taught by people… none of it is true, or false, or something you are stuck with.
Folks, YOU have POWER here.
You can truly experience yourself and your life how you desire. Now, let me be clear, this is not the same as trying to convince yourself you are happy in a life, a marriage, a career, anything that you are not happy in. Attitude is not about lying to yourself so you can tolerate the intolerable… that is a completely different conversation and one that I would love to have sometime.
Attitude is your inner workings on how you approach your life. Do you see your cup as half full, fortunate and room for more good things, or half empty, disadvantaged and expecting the worst.
All I am saying is, the biggest ah-ha that came out of the session with this particular person, was that we are not born into anything. We have the power and the ability to set our course, to guide our ship and follow our own stars.
We can do this… YOU can choose your attitude, and it can change your life.
Forever the journey, Anne