A year of relationship stages
“This makes everything in my life make sense.”
It was a comment made during one of our LampLighter mid-month check ins. A new member was participating in a conversation in which we discussed a core theme of 2024 – relationship.
The entire year in regards to relationships has been about receiving clarity. The phrase that Spirit has used previously is that “when someone speaks to us about our value, believe them.” Despite the word choice, what this means is that we need to pay attention to how people treat us, and look at their behavior in our relationships, as opposed to just listening to what they say. As the saying goes, “talk is cheap.” It is people’s behaviors that tell us what our value is in their life.
As this year has gone on the lesson has shifted to the awareness that other people’s behavior is a display of where they are at inside of themselves, not what we are worth. How they treat us is about them, not us… it’s not personal.
This is a hard one for a lot of people. It is so typical for us to allow others to make us feel a particular way about ourselves because of their words and behaviors. My clients constantly say things like, “they made me feel like…,” “they make me feel totally disrespected,” “if they loved me they wouldn’t treat me like that,” etc. etc.. We make other people’s behavior about US, and Spirit is asking us to remember others behaviors and words are about what they hold as truths about themselves and the world, inside of themselves.
Let me say this clearly… THEIR STUFF IS NOT ABOUT YOU.
Example: someone who is perpetually afraid, one who holds a truth that the world is out to get them, or that they are worthless will use bullying or fear tactics and put downs to control others. Let’s call them Chuck. If Chuck can make others feel intimidated by the world, or that they are not as good as Chuck, or anyone else, then Chuck feels better about himself. Chuck will talk about others poorly so that others think less of the people being discussed as well. Once again, in this example, Chuck’s behavior is about his inner issues, and has nothing to do with anyone he is talking to or about.
I hope that example helps you understand Spirit’s point at this time.
The next step was about knowing what we know ie. clarity. If this person/group, organizations behavior is about them, not me, then here is what I see and so know, about how this relationship makes me feel AND what I am willing to do/be about it. It was a stage of ‘know what you know, and just sit with it.’ This clarity stage was totally about being present with what we were bringing into awareness and recognizing what OUR truth was within that.
Now my friends, we are in the rubber meets the road, time. We are in a current energy that is now about action. What does it mean to put healthy boundaries in place? What does it mean to say words that are sometimes hard to say, and still so very important as we go forward living into our most honest and sacred selves? What does it mean to honor ourselves completely in how we allow others to treat us, regardless of their inner story about themselves?
It is not our job to save someone else from their inner storyline. Our job is to dig into our own awareness and allow others to do the same. Nothing says, “I love you” like letting them be uncomfortable with themselves while being supported, so that they can do their own work.
When we love and honor ourselves we can gain clarity on those around us. From there we really have infinite possibilities in front of us. Our gift is remembering others’ behaviors are about them, not us…which gives us freedom to focus on what is healthy for us.
Forever the journey, Anne