Recently, I was working with a young couple who are preparing for marriage. While I am not officiating this wedding, we were having this conversation as there is some strife in the family currently about what is appropriate and what is inappropriate for a wedding based on some values about religion and what “must be” or “can’t be” and lots of shoulds and shouldn’t based on the brides religious views.
Please keep in mind that this young couple has a very clear vision of the wedding ceremony they want, they are very clear on their values for their relationship and the significance of this ceremony, in fact, their values as they coincide were one of the major topics of discussion during their appointment together. They are very well aligned. So, the bride’s parents’ religious views are becoming a major stressor for this young couple as they want their dream wedding, and they want their families to be happy being together to celebrate their marriage.
During this conversation, I was reminded of a situation from several years ago and a story that I shared with them that I will share with you now.
Several years ago, I was asked to officiate a wedding that was taking place between a client of mine’s daughter and her fiancé. Very similar situation just reversed, and it was the groom’s mother specifically who was very loud and very vocal about her dislike of them having a backyard wedding. My client’s daughter had always dreamed of getting married in her parents, backyard, and a gorgeous backyard it is! With that said the groom had a first cousin who is a Monsignor in the catholic Church and he was invited and had RSVPed that he was going to be in attendance to this wedding.
The groom’s mom is absolutely freaking out! To the point that she was refusing to attend her only son’s wedding because he wasn’t getting married in the church, the way that she believed he needed to. I mean, seriously, Groom’s mom was losing her crap! And in her loss of crap was yelling things at her son like, “what on earth will the Monsignor think?!” And, “the Monsignor is going to be furious! This will be an atrocity in his eyes!”
Fast forward to the day of the wedding:
Gorgeous backyard ✔️
Beautiful, blushing bride ✔️
Butterflies in the stomach of the excited groom ✔️
Incredible food and drink for 100 guests of whom 98 were thrilled to be there ✔️
The time for the ceremony came. I was standing in front and it’s time for mom to be walked down the aisle by her son. While she showed up, she refused to be seated.
Shortly before this when MOM was still standing in an area outside of the view of the ceremony site, the Monsignor strolled in casually and took a seat in the middle of the groom’s section of the seating. Smiling, laughing and chatting with family around him, seeming perfectly relaxed.
The ceremony goes on, the couple is united in marriage, it all drives to a close and the happy couple with rice being tossed in the air, floats joyfully back down the aisle to go and celebrate their marriage.
Delightful!
After I closed my book in my hands and looked up, there was a dark haired gentleman looking to be in his late 40s bounding towards me with a hand outstretched. “Hi, I’m the groom’s cousin” he says “what an incredibly beautiful service.” The relief in my heart was absolutely immeasurable. He goes on, “I love how you spoke of so many of the ways that God speaks to us in our daily lives. It was so powerful. You did a lovely job.” This of course, was the Monsignor himself. We actually stood and chit chatted for several minutes about those very things, how does God show up in our moment to moment life, and how we can, when paying attention feel that presence in our daily lives surrounding and loving and supporting us.
The Monsignor walks away and goes to join the rest of the family and friends in celebration. Dad of the bride walks up, hugs me, and could not contain the laughter that bubbled up inside of him. Mom of the groom, still standing back with a tiny group of people around her kind of looking, well, still kind of mad. Lol.
The gist of this entire story is to simply illustrate that true faith asks us to live in alignment with its presence that indeed fills our life. It is in the songs of the birds and the waving of the grass. It is in the eye of the stranger on the street, the coworker that frustrates us and the friends that bring us incredible joy. It is in the touch of our loved ones and the hugs that come when we need them most. It is in the simplicity of every breath we take. That my friends, is true faith.
More than ever in this time, we are being asked by Spirit to walk hand-in-hand with that faith.
Remember too that religion and faith are not the same thing. What that Monsignor taught me that day was that very thing. We can live in fear and anger for what those around us are not or we can live WITH the lens of unity and what makes us whole.
Life is hard sometimes. Things seem very out of control. There is fear for us everywhere we look if that’s what we are focused on. I will encourage you to find the cracks in between, where the flowers still grow. I will ask you to turn your attention to the beauty around you and the peace that you can create within you. Look for the good things because there are way more of those than there are of anything else.
Be a testimony of your living faith; that connection with you that knows that you were a child of this God/universe, that all has a greater purpose than what we often on our humanity can see from the street level, and that there is a force within us that guides us forward in true harmony and alignment with our sacred selves.
Forever the journey, Anne