“I woke up from a dream,” she said, “and in this dream, this famous female healer looked at me and said, “You are becoming nothing” “.
My gut clenched. “Shit,” I thought, “is she telling me I’m in this world to become nothing!?”
My dear friend continued, “Yeah, my friends thought it was the greatest thing ever! I totally felt like, fuck, are you serious?!”
My sentiments exactly. So began our conversation about becoming nothing.
Before we begin, I need to clarify my stance on the term healer. I use the term healer tentatively because I’m a firm believer that I do not heal people, Spirit heals, they heal, and I’m just the facilitator. It’s a well-used term and folks seem to have a clear understanding of my work when I use that term, so I use it for simplicity sake.
At any rate, as a healer, I seek out other healers for well, healing. Facilitation. Help. Call it what you will, I occasionally need someone else to interrupt my field and get in there, dig around, and help me make sense of my own human journey. So off I go to visit with my friend for some assistance and clarity.
Like my usual self, I made a list in advance of things I want clarity with and prioritized them, simplified them, wrote and rewrote them. Sometimes I make things a little harder than they need to be. Sometimes. I’ve always been one of those people who question what I’m doing, why I’m doing it, where am I headed, etc. Many people tell me this is the plight of a “Light Worker”. Perhaps its because I’m hardwired to be an intellectual, to know the answers and make more questions, to take what is and figure out how to make it better, and so on and so forth. I’m not really sure. I just know contentment is a continual practice for me.
I’m a farm kid from Central Minnesota. I didn’t end up very far away from home. I haven’t traveled the world. My life has been fairly simple (not to be confused with easy) and straightforward – almost boringly typical in many ways. Except, of course, my career. I’ve spent 30 years as a bodyworker. I was a massage therapist when being a massage therapist meant you were probably a prostitute in disguise. My sister tells a great story about my Dad’s response to me heading back to Florida to become a Massage Therapist. He thought I was becoming a professional call girl. Folks, he never said a word to me, and let me go off to the other side of the country to find out. I’m not sure if that was his way of saying he trusted me, or just the simple fact that I was 18 and he couldn’t legally stop me. Who knows? He was so relieved when I got back and went to work for a chiropractor and could actually help my Dad’s back issues. From my days as a bodyworker melding into an energy worker, coach and intuitive, I have a career many find to be odd, eclectic, and for lots of people just plain weird. Other words are used as well, but I don’t pay much attention to those. As a wise teacher of mine once said, “some will, some won’t, so what”. So I do me, and I work to be as good as I can be for myself and my clients, and I pray every day that it’s enough, that Spirit directs me, and that it will sustain me until I don’t feel the call to serve in it anymore. I’m totally ok if that moment comes on my deathbed; in fact, I think I’d prefer it. Until that day comes though, I do the best I can, and I question almost constantly. Is this right? Where am I headed? What does this all become? Should I be more than I am? Should I be writing books and speaking in large forums? How do I spread my message? What the heck is my message? Is that enough? All of it. If anyone thinks healers and psychics have it all figured out and never question themselves, well, you might not know very many, or at least not personally. My honesty may be my failure, but at least I’ll fail to tell the truth. If you’re a healer and are feeling like I’m outing you in public because you want everyone to think you’ve got all your crap in a row and that’s why people should come to you; strap yourself in my friend, it’s going to be a bumpy ride.
So, to recap the little side tangent I took you on, I question.
Our visit began with a sit, a stare, and some tea. Wonderful. Then she began to share this story Spirit was directing her to share with me. I was relieved to hear she had the same initial response to the message as I did. A version of “WTF”. As the session went on, a meditation, a journey with my soul parts, and some yoga, it began to clear up a bit. At the end of my journey, I stood in a circle with aspects of my Soul and as if on some Divine command, everything, including me, started to dissolve into vibration. Just vibration. I could look at each aspect of myself and see their form, but I could feel no definition, and no line of separation between us. When I stood among all of it, I couldn’t even define my own form. It was a crazy, magical kind of buzz where my body was supposed to be but wasn’t anymore. Quiet, still. Like my best moments in meditation. And I knew contentment. Contentment turns out was found in the mystery of becoming nothing.
Becoming nothing isn’t about not being anything in particular in this world. It wasn’t about not being a writer, or a healer, speaker, teacher, or any of the other things I love to do. It was about being no thing. Shapeless, formless vibration. Molecules bumping into each other and the only construct being the intention in my mind. All shown aspects of me existed only because I knew them to exist. When I focused my mind, they took form. When I was allowed in the experience, just vibration.
Shapeless, and formless. Within that, I realized limitless potential and possibility. I knew Mystery, the not knowing. If I could believe these aspects of myself existed within that state of vibration, then I could believe anything existed within vibration, and it too could be true. It could materialize and take form when I put my focus on it, and at the same time, release all that I think or believe and surrender to all that is. Mystery. We are the construct of our own mind, governed by Spirit. If I can go back, I can go forward, or out, or anywhere. It’s all there. My husband and I are traveling soon to take a class on past life regression. Spirit has such perfect timing.
“You are becoming nothing.”
And in doing so, I believe we open ourselves up to our greatest potential and to infinite possibilities. My friends – invite this into your mind/heart/Spirit this week. Just play with it. Sit within Mystery and meditate on what it is for you to become nothing.
Blessings Galore, Anne