I’ve been talking a lot lately to clients, friends, audiences about “finding your enough story”. So much of our lives we spend feeling like we’re not doing it right, asking ourselves if its good enough for some unknown criteria, from some unrecognized person in our heads. People, you’re enough. But, let’s face it, NOTHING brings out our “not enough” story like the holidays. Ahhhh, the holidays, that magical time of year that sets many of us on our asses as we grapple with our inner demons, our budgets of time and money and who’s most important and why…its insane. I realize its supposed to be about friends and family and those we hold dear to us. It should be about the magic of the season, the sparkle in a child eye, our Faith shining through the boughs of our tree, etc. etc.. It sounds really great!
so why is everyone so stressed? Crabby? Insecure? Because for many people, whether its old family story, old not enough story from somewhere in our past, the holidays seem to throw it right up in our faces. And I mean throw it up (you get it). We want desperately to find the perfect gift, to donate to the right charities, to not burn the turkey and feed everyone food that will have them touting the praises of our culinary wonders until this time next year.
Enter in, some self-love. These kinds of self-imposed expectations, and let’s be honest, we do this to ourselves, are completely ridiculous. I get it, truly. For years I spent my holidays trying to balance everyone’s wants and needs while I ran in circles. My sister, one and only sister, comes home to MN every year for Christmas. years back, complete with my two amazing, love them like no other nieces, who have now grown into incredible women with families and careers and adult stuff that gets in the way of travel, but they try really hard to make it work! I used to run my tail off trying to work full-time to get the bills paid, get my shopping done, host a gathering or two and still be at the disposal of my family every possible open moment, despite them living a half hour away. While they were on vacation, I was twirling like a tornado to be there every second, so they’d know how much I loved them and wanted to be with them. The reality was, I never felt like it was enough. Ever. So, I’d leave to go home thinking I should stay a little longer, and my sister and her family would pack up and head back South and I’d feel like I had barely seen them. On top of this is the fact that as a younger person I was chronically late, an affliction I haven’t carried for decades now…unless you ask my family who NEVER FORGETS ANYTHING! They still think it’s funny to taunt me with jokes about how I’m always late for everything (which, I’m not, but these people don’t let anything go…ever). Eventually, I got to a point (thank you chronic fatigue) that I just couldn’t do it anymore, I had to start saying “no thanks, I can’t make it” or “I can’t be there until this time, so start without me”, just to save myself. What a gift!! After way too long, I finally accepted myself and my limitations, which really weren’t limiting, I simply expected too much of myself, thinking that THEY expected all of this of me. Don’t get me wrong, I hear the occasional comment about not being there, them not seeing me enough, not enough time, etc. etc. I have learned to love myself more than anyone else could ever love me. That way, I’m always cared for by someone who truly gets me, and understands my life and my limitations. I’m so great for me!!!!
During this season, be your own best love. Appreciate everything you do to make life great for yourself and the folks you love, and let that be ENOUGH. Have relentless compassion for who you are, everything you work to balance in your life, and enjoy the moments you’re given. When you’re with other people, be THERE, in the moment, with them. Being present to the moment will help you experience greater time and love where ever your focus is at that time, and help you be more focused and efficient when you’re brainstorming how to fit it all in. let’s face it, I’d love to tell you all to cut your to-do list in half, but I’m a realist, you’re NOT going to do that and feel good about it. So, do what you can, be present where you’re at, and enjoy the time and effort you put forth no matter whether you’re baking cookies with toddlers at your ankles or getting your steps in at the mall, putting the final touches on your holiday face 3 minutes before your guests arrive, or slamming the angel on the top of the tree while you’re scheduling clients (guilty!)
This season, give yourself the gift of true love, your OWN. You’re perfectly imperfect, that’s what we all really love about you. Own it! Walk it! Strut your stuff!! You’re way more than enough. Remember that.
Now, I gotta run, I’m pretty sure that’s the smell of a burning turkey.