The last month plus (5 weeks and one day) of my life has been a blur. My father was seriously injured in an accident and, while he’s still recovering, and will be for some time, my effort is in trying to re-identify “normal life”. Its always amazing to me how our ego has us convinced that, first of all, our life is normal to begin with… and that there is a “normal” that exists. (Where? And what is it? I have no idea, and neither do “they”, trust me, I’ve asked around. A lot.). That at the same time we’re all striving to find ourselves and our authenticity, our ego is working its ass off to get us to just do it like we always have, so it can feel safe. While our ego is working, so is our Soul, working to acknowledge its story, its evolutionary perspectives this lifetime, to heal the past and the future, and Spirit is there with its pom poms on just trying to get us to actualize our truth and beauty because Spirit knows we’re perfect. It’s a cacophony of “us”, trying to establish a “normal” for our lives. Now, if that’s not hard enough, outside influences come into play; people get hurt, die, are born, take new jobs, get married, get divorced, start businesses, on and on and on, all happening in this cluster, around and through us that affect our moment to moment, our hearts, our beings. Its crazy, seriously, totally nuts to think that we may ever have a moment of peace. That there is stability anywhere, because I’m pretty sure its not here in my house.
So, what’s an ego self in need of consistency to do? Look deeper. These are the times when I know I absolutely must go within. The calm I’m needing, and running in circles searching for, is always in the same place, and never anywhere other than within me. I love/hate that. Not gonna lie. The responsibility of knowing the only person that can keep me safe, calm, centered, grounded, is me, can be a sometimes heavy and daunting, and often times, “are you kidding me, I’m not equipped for this!” kind of thing. Other times, the freedom and empowerment of knowing that I can bring myself back to balance, to center, to peace within, is lovely; like a tranquil brook flowing freely within the shorelines on a sunny day. Ahhhhh.
I’ve been on all sides of this a million times over the last several weeks. Sometimes stuck on the shore I don’t like, struggling, in tears, white knuckling it trying to hold my crap together, for myself, and my family. Other times, I’m the calm in the storm, quiet, focused, objective, serene while others spin out. It’s a dance, and I’m not a very good dancer. I lack both style and rhythm, but I make up for it in tenacity and an odd ability to let it all go and laugh at my own clumsiness. The balancing act is happening inside of all of us; one moment we’re killin’ it, the next we’re completely lost in the chaos. Its called “life” and it’s a beautiful, mixed up, out of control, ego dirty dancing with the soul kind of thing. Spirt once again, always on the sidelines chanting our name, over and over, pom poms waiving, cheering us on. Its gorgeous. Effortless, if we allow it to be. if we flow with it and through it and try not to get caught up in the weeds too often. We’re perfect, that’s why Spirit cheers, that’s how our Soul knows we will be acknowledged and find our truth, and ego, well, sometimes we need to remember that even the awkward kid in the corner needs to get her groove on. Keep it simple. Dance…that’s the important thing.
Blessings my comrades,